Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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