I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
