Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
