I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
