i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
