Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize