watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
