this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
