you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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