Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
