At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This is classic penis vs brain.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
