Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
