Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
