He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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