Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
