im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
