dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize