I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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