You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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