fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
