bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
