Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
