Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I need moral support for this bender
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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