What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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