I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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