Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There's even glitter on my cock...
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