hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
