She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
