is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
