you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize