i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
