Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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