i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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