kristin has been a bad kristin
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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