a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
