Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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