oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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