Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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