News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When did angry sex become our thing?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
