So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
