The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
