She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
