Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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