With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
