The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
