morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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