Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
