I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
