thus making me awesome and them whores
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize