Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
