I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
