I didn't shave. On purpose
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
