I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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