break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
