Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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