The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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