Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
