babies were throwing up all over the place
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
