While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
