Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My vagina is officially offended.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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