mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize