we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
