I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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