Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
