watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
