So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize