i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
please come you make the beer taste better
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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