then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
