I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
