Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
