I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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