you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
