i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
