I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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