I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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