So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
