when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
