I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
