Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
