Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize