Just fell off a train. Bad.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
