help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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