Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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