well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
