I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
