Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
