We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
