I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize