Its about making memories worth repressing
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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