Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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