How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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