I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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