Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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