bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
