How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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