can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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