nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
