last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I deserve this hangover.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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