Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
