I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
